Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Chapter 10- Forgiveness
I have a hard
time forgiving my father for his past mistakes. My dad and mother divorced when
I was 4 and my father moved to Connecticut. My mom is remarried now to my
step-father whom is an amazing person and my dad is still in my life, just not
exactly as a father. I have a hard time forgiving him, because he intentionally
did things to hurt my mother and I. I am usually one to forgive and forget, but
when people repeatedly intentionally hurt someone it shows their character and
makes it hard for me to want to develop and relationship with them. It also
almost makes it impossible to form a relationship with that person because
there is no trust involved. Chapter 10 describes forgiveness as the “cognitive
process that consists of letting go of feelings of revenge and desires to
retaliate”(P.176). I am not sure that I 100% agree with that definition,
because I don’t have any part of me that seeks revenge in my father. I don’t
think that revenge will solve any emotional issues that I have. The chapter
goes on too talk about transforming the meaning of the event, and I have
learned to do that with my father and mine relationship. I have tried to view
our relationship in a more positive light, and see it as I am older and so is
he now so I am trying to start fresh with our relationship because I do feel
that people can learn from their mistakes.
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Britt Victoria,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about the unfortunate circumstances regarding your father hurting you and your mother at a young age. That is a terrible situation and one that I can relate to because I have a friend that has gone through something similar. It is hard to forgive someone that repeatedly makes mistakes and intentionally hurts the people he should be treating with all the respect in the world. Although he has made some mistakes in his past, I agree that people can learn from their mistakes. It is a good thing that you are trying to start fresh with him and give him another chance. This is what my friend did and although things aren't perfect, they are better than they've ever been.
Brittany Victoria,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this post. You seem to have a firm grasp on what in your life you are willing to give in on and what you are not. I think it is good that you took a firm stance on what your father did. I have a few friends who’s parents did things to each other during a divorce and they either go way overboard and completely cut their father from their life or they completely forgive them but still hold a major grudge and instead just complain to others about it. It seems that you found a balance between the two that works best for you.
Brittany Victoria,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty in your post and your willingness to share such a personal story, I commend you for that. It's quite sad and unfortunate when parents aren't in their children's lives the way that they should be, but you really seem to have grown from that and I think it's probably made you even stronger because of it. I'm glad you have a stepfather who has come into the role and given you stability in life...your ability to have a relationship with your father shows tremendous strength that you should be proud of, and I hope that you can find the place you're looking to be with him (if you haven't already). Best of luck, and thank you for your post.
Hello Britt Victoria, I wanted to let you know that I thought your post was really good. You talked about how it is hard for you to forgive when people hurt others intentionally. I agree with you and feel the same way. I always try to treat others the way I would want to be treated so when other people intentionally hurt me or other people, I get very upset. I have been dealing with a similar situation where someone in my life continually intentionally causes hurt in my life. I am working on forgiving them and moving on. I have no desire to reconcile the relationship because I agree that it shows their character when they behave this way.
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