Chapter 11 made
me realize that I often play the mediator in my household. I have a sister that
is 10 years younger than I am and my parents are older than most parents with
10 year olds, so there is occasionally some uncertainty on whats in right now,
and whats not, especially in the fashion world. Very often my parents and my
sister don’t see eye to eye on things. The book talks
about the mediator helping to restate the parties comments in a less offensive
manner (Pg. 204), which I didn’t realize it, but after I read this quote I
realized that when my sister and my parents fight I often play the mediator.
For example, what my sister likes to wear isn’t exactly what my mom would like
her to wear. So my mom, not realizing it puts my sister down when she wears
certain things, like saying “I don’t like that, it doesn’t look right” but in
my sisters eyes she is just expressing herself. So being the older sibling I
express to my mom that she needs to talk to my sister, not AT my sister in
order to get her voice heard and she has to do it in a way that she isn’t being
disrespectful. And on the same hand my sister needs to compromise a little and
hear what my mom has to say. So, I think in this particular instance, finding a
common ground is very important and I was able to help reframe the conversation
so it was a productive form of communication and not just a bunch of yelling
back and forth.
Brittany Victoria,
ReplyDeleteI think it is great that you play mediator in your household. I have a younger brother who is 12 years younger than me but for some reason, that isn’t a problem in my family. I think that it is because when I grew up my other brother (2 years younger than me) and I were the ones who needed mediation with my parents and now my parents have just learned how to deal with everything. It sounds like you are doing a great job making sure both your mom and your sister are being heard and that you are really helping them communicate, finding common ground is not always easy!
-Bianca
Hi Brittany! I’m also the family mediator, so I can relate to your experiences. I think it’s great that you’re able to help them learn how to talk to each other on a general level instead of simply addressing the particular issue. I think in the long term that will help everyone in the family have happier, more harmonious relationships with each other.
ReplyDeleteI can also see where your parents would struggle as older parents. I’m in my mid-30’s now and have a 17 month old and 8 day old. By the time they’re 10 who knows if I will have continued to keep up with fashion and social mores. There are already things creeping in to popular culture that just seem wrong to me and it’s very possible that my girls will just accept them. In contrast, my sister was very young when she started her family (He oldest will be 21 soon). She’s a great mom but, in many ways, I’ve watched my sister grow up and mature as she raised her family. In some ways it’s allowed her to operate more on their level than a lot of other parents.
I really like your post and your personal application of the reading. I think the problem you described is a common confrontation in most households. Parents often want things a certain ways and the kids seem to disagree or think differently. I have certainly been the mediator between my sister and my father because they think very differently. I think it's important to have someone who can facilitate conversation between two parties in a way that will not condemn or offend either sides as well as work towards dissolving the conflict or creating a workable positive solution.
ReplyDelete